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observation de vous;

observation de moi
on isolé tiennent le premier rôle
vous ne savez pas qui vous êtes
j'ai vous ai toujours aimé
mais vous avez pris mon amour pour accordé
parole au revoir

the 4 hearts

an almost perfect lady.

August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
September 2008

i got the link. i pushed my pile of work aside. and started reading. entry after entry after entry. and i did so till i finished everything there was to read. only to find a need in reading them all over again. as i read, i cried. and cried uncontrollably as every word hit me, pushing me back in time, bringing the fading memories closer to my mind, to my heart. yet surprisingly, these tears that i cried were not those of heartbreak, instead, they were tears of missing someone. it's when you miss someone terribly and refuse to commit and submit yourself to those feelings, only to have it knock you hard and when it happens, you just lose all control. what i thought could be left to be dealt in a rational manner turned out to be more than i could handle. i never really ever cried over that person before. but those few times which i did, i found the tears dropping in surprise.

when you are so used to having someone around for you all the time, and you have to force yourself to make that someone disappear. it's probably the hardest thing in the world to do. and it is probably the most hurting thing in the world to do. but it has to be done, nonetheless. espeacially when you know or feel that there is even the smallest possibility that you may be using that person as a substitute or someone to share your sadness and anger but not your happiness. i used to share everything with this person. till i began realising i only began calling when i was angry and sad. then i knew i had to stop. taking a person for granted is the worst thing to do to someone.

when i had those memories being refreshed in writing, writing so clear and closely depicted for me, at least, it felt as if nothing ever changed. for those few minutes, i just stayed and immersed myself into the past. for those few minutes, my heart, mind, energy went back to when we were a few years back. when we were happy. when we had our calamari rings and chicken rice. when we loved tanning and sakae sushi. when we had sunflowers and crazy morning bus rides...

but then after everything that we have been through, i'm looking at what's in front. from the bottom of my heart, all i want is to know that happiness is found again. true happiness. i believe it can be found. i'd capture that heartfelt smile anytime, anywhere, if just for one more time. just to know it's still there. and this time, i'll keep it for life; so anytime i know it is needed, i can retrieve it back.

this is all about someone i know so well, inside out, outside in, upside down, downside up. someone i thought i knew. someone i keep telling myself i know but maybe, i don't really know. someone i've always wanted to know. someone i never want to stop knowing. someone who i know deep down may feel exactly what i'm feeling.

ps. everything's changed yet everything's still the same. just like that night at gelare. exactly like that night.

- everything's just temporary;
12:07 AM